How to guarantee an accident in wet and snowy weather
Are you a fan of having accidents in wet and snowy weather? Do you relish the thrill of hazardous conditions? And do you love slipping, falling and skidding your way through autumn and winter?
If so, take a look at these six tried and tested tips for maximising danger in rain, ice and snow. If you follow them all, you will be practically guaranteed to have an accident, slip-up or mishap during the colder months. Here goes:
Tip 1: Don’t grit your front path
In winter, the very best way to start the day is with an invigorating fall flat on your face. However, salt and grit ruin all the fun, so whatever you do, don’t sprinkle your front path at the first sign of snow. In fact, ignore weather forecasts completely and instead, dash out your front door at full speed every morning in slippy shoes. After all, the excitement lies in the unexpected.
Tip 2: Don’t put down anti-slip sheets at work
Workplace entranceways can be hazardous. Anti-slip sheets are, of course, an excellent way to make sure that people don’t skid on the puddles left by dripping wet umbrellas and snowy shoes. So if you enjoy a bit of danger at work, then definitely don’t put this material down on the floor (and forbid anyone else from doing so too, especially those spoilsport Health & Safety Officers). Instead, let the entranceway get as damp and hazardous as possible — the bigger the puddles, the better the slips.
Tip 3: And don’t put up warning signs at work either
Again, if you want to increase the likelihood of winter accidents in the workplace, then ‘wet floor’ warning signs are a very bad idea. That’s because they will encourage people to tread more carefully, reducing the chance of side-splitting comedy mishaps. What a drag.
Tip 4: Don’t use rain-friendly tools
If you work outdoors or just enjoy a spot of DIY, then add to life’s rich tapestry of thrills by making sure that your tools are totally unsuitable for wet weather. Basically, look for devices that aren’t designed for rain safety and avoid non-slip handles like the plague. You definitely shouldn’t wear gloves either. Oh, and obviously don’t bother putting on goggles in torrential downpours — it’s much more exciting using tools when you can’t actually see what you’re doing. It adds to the adrenaline rush.
Tip 5: If you’re a cyclist, never wear high visibility clothing
To boost your chances of a bike accident in autumn and winter, avoid high visibility (fluorescent and reflective) clothing at all costs. That’s because high-vis clothing makes you much easier for motorists to spot, which is obviously the last thing you want. Instead, maximise your chances of a mishap by wearing dark clothing when cycling home from work at night (and in dark mornings too). This way, you’ll blend right in and be practically invisible to drivers, especially when it’s raining or snowing. Boost danger by not wearing a helmet either.
Tip 6: If you’re a driver, don’t fit your car with winter weather tyres
Winter-friendly tyres reduce the chance of accidents in cold, damp and icy conditions. That’s because at temperatures below seven degrees (potentially from October to spring), normal tyres start to lose their grip. But winter weather tyres have a higher volume of natural rubber, increasing their hold on the road and improving braking lengths of up to five metres (roughly the length of a car). So if you want to ensure a nail-biting winter driving experience, definitely don’t change your tyres.
We hope you’ve enjoyed our six tips for having a thrillingly hazardous winter at work, at home and on the road. Of course, keeping yourself and others safe (and your fingers and toes intact) can also be of benefit, so you may want to consider doing the exact opposite of what we’ve said. Just a thought.
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